4.5. The Perception of Compliments, Criticism and Objections in Communication: Techniques for Neutralising Objections and Criticism

The perception of compliments, criticism, and remarks in the process of communication plays an important role in shaping relationships and interaction between people. How a person perceives these communicative elements can significantly affect their emotional state, self-esteem, and behavior. Let us consider each of these aspects separately:

1. Compliments:

   • Positive perception: Compliments, as a rule, evoke positive emotions and improve one's mood. People are usually pleased by compliments, since compliments highlight their positive qualities or achievements.
   • How to give compliments correctly: Compliments should be sincere and specific. Point out exactly what you liked or what impressed you. Avoid empty phrases and flattery.

2. Criticism:

   • The difference between constructive and destructive criticism: Criticism can be useful if it is constructive and aimed at improvement. Destructive criticism, on the contrary, can offend and worsen relationships.
   • Ways of perceiving criticism: How criticism is perceived depends on many factors, including the tone and intonation of voice, the context in which it is uttered, and the relationship between the interlocutors. People may perceive criticism differently, but it is important to try to understand exactly what the critic meant to say.

3. Remarks and feedback:

   • Perception of remarks: Remarks can be more objective and factual than compliments or criticism. They are usually used to exchange information or to clarify details.
   • How to make remarks: Remarks should be clear and specific. They can be used to clarify or explain a situation, and it is important to avoid aggressive or accusatory statements.

The Perception of Compliments

It should be noted that the ability to sincerely pay another person a compliment is far from available to everyone. Nor can every person
worthily accept compliments and praise from others in general. It is worth noting that there are several main reasons that prevent us from enjoying compliments. The first reason is that we sincerely believe we have not earned the praise at all. Another reason may be that we are completely indifferent to the opinion of the person who paid us the compliment. In addition, some people do not like being the center of attention because of their personal qualities and characteristics. Moreover, there are people who believe that any compliment must necessarily obligate them to something. Some people believe that a compliment is nothing other than a veiled manipulation. Psychologists maintain that compliments should not be ignored, nor should they be excessively boasted about or gloated over. For example, if you were told that you have beautiful eyes, you simply need to thank the person who said it.

One must learn to accept compliments graciously. One should always try to remind oneself that one has every right to receive compliments. As a rule, the most appropriate reaction to a compliment is gratitude for having received it. This is usually expressed in two simple phrases: "Thank you for the compliment" or "Thank you, that's very kind of you." If, in your opinion, the praise is exaggerated, then it should be perceived as the personal point of view of the person who paid you the compliment.
Very often, problems with the receptiveness of compliments are related to the low self-esteem of the person receiving them. Until you begin to love and value yourself,
you will not be able to believe in the sincerity of other people.

Fig. Compliments in business communication

Criticism

No matter how good your relationships with others are, you will nevertheless often be subjected to criticism. The ability to perceive such critical remarks plays an important role in relationships.
A person typically takes a defensive stance in response to any criticism. People often try to avoid criticism by ignoring critical remarks, refusing to discuss them, changing the subject, or simply ending the conversation.

The person who is criticizing you usually expects their words to be listened to attentively and their opinion taken into account. If you do not even want to listen to
your interlocutor, you leave the problem unresolved and aggravate it by expressing personal rejection. Instead of restoring peace, such a strategy, as a
rule, leads to an escalation of the situation and an increase in tension.
The second type of defensive reaction to criticism is complete denial. Denial can prove just as useless and harmful as avoiding
criticism.

Using the third type of behavior, you may try to excuse your
behavior, explaining the details and emphasizing its importance. An apologetic stance definitely puts you in a degraded position. Your critic does not receive confirmation that their feelings or arguments have been perceived by you. They become irritated, because each of their arguments runs into your defensive reaction.

As a result, even minor disagreements at the start of the conversation grow like a snowball, and a calmly begun conversation can turn into a serious quarrel.
The fourth type of behavior is "an eye for an eye," when the interlocutor responds to criticism with criticism. Responding with criticism is a very tempting position. Your
critic, who is not themselves perfect, criticizes you or your behavior and thereby gives you a reason to vent your irritation on them. However, while bringing temporary satisfaction, such a stance does substantial harm to the relationship. It rarely leads to the resolution of real problems or to the achievement of compromises. Moreover, a serious quarrel may result from such an approach.

As we can see, none of the models of defensive behavior is beneficial; in this case, one should use the technique of a constructive alternative. Using this tactic, you will be able to calm your critics by showing them that their opinion matters to you, that you take their remarks into account, even though you do not
always agree with them.

Fig. techniques for reducing the negative impact of remarks

Advice for the critic

• before starting to criticize, try to find out whether the matter can be corrected without criticism;
• try to define the goals of the criticism as precisely as possible: what specifically should change and how;
• before starting the criticism, it is important to find out the position of the person being criticized on the essence of the negative event;
• remember that the essential conditions for the success of a critical analysis of an employee's performance are knowledge of how they perceive things and the choice of an appropriate form of critical influence;
• before voicing a critical remark, listen to the end of the position of the person being criticized;
• do not belittle the actions and statements of the person being criticized in order to "tear them to shreds";
• criticism should carry sufficient emotional intensity, but at the same time it should not turn employees into irreconcilable enemies;
• do not criticize in general terms, without precisely pointing out the mistake;
• concepts or speech forms that insult a person's dignity must not be used;
• criticize in a well-meaning manner;
• do not repeat critical remarks addressed to a person who has already corrected the mistake;
• be extremely correct when criticizing people you find unpleasant;
• when criticizing subordinates, do not suppress their sense of independence;
• remember that when making critical statements a person can be offended not only by words — posture, gestures, and facial expressions are often no less expressive;
• do not save up remarks for a public dressing-down;
• be self-critical;
• be guided by the principle of the appropriateness of criticism in relation to specific people (a new employee, a new partner, a state of depression, etc.)

It is important to remember that the perception of these communicative elements strongly depends on the emotional state, level of confidence, and personal preferences of each person. Therefore, it is important to take into account the individual characteristics of the interlocutor and to try to approach communication with respect and tolerance.

In order to ensure more effective communication, try to be sincere in expressing your thoughts and feelings, take into account the context and individual characteristics of the interlocutor, and also be ready for interaction and dialogue in the event of disagreements or misunderstandings.