Outside the Oedipus Complex

I believe that every first child is the fruit of incest, because it embodies the imagination of a little girl about the birth of a child in union with her father. It is scary, although the woman never realizes it. Most of us are unaware. For 65 years I didn’t realize my own desire to marry mom until she died. In fact, I do not even believe what I have written now. I think I wanted to marry my mother from early childhood. I remember how at the age of thirteen, having kissed my mother, I suddenly felt how her body was tense. It seems that since then I have never kissed her like that again. I, like any other person, came into contact with the unconscious forces of the family.
Another question is how to understand these forces. I don’t think that education will help here, I don’t think that they can be discovered by investigator-detective methods, I don’t think that you can reach them in a theoretical search. Probably, once you feel these forces, then you are crazy, and the family can go crazy after you. You have gone deep into yourself, and you represent the opportunity for other members of the family to go deep into yourself and maybe change.
We talked so much about the Oedipal triangle that my feeling of protest requires me to find some new words to describe the relationship between parents and children.
What helps a child grow in an atmosphere of security, curiosity about the world, ethical sense of valuables? The most basic is easy to call: parents, each of whom is psychologically divorced and remarried with his family, in which he was born. It means that mother and father separated from their mother and father, began to live independently, returned to their family and met their relatives as adults, separated again and returned again, finding freedom to belong and freedom to separate from their family. Having survived such a divorce and remarriage with their own family, they married each other to belong to a larger marital system. Unbeknownst to themselves, they decided to start this lifelong going and involving the psychotherapy of two whole personalities called marriage.
If all this is done and then, but not before, a child was born, he will belong to the system.
The life of the child at first is so connected with the nursing mother that no father can take her place. Due to this process, which can be called biopsychological hypnosis, the child needs a lot of time to understand that the breast is not part of his body and the mother is not part of his body, and then he lives in the certainty that his mother is with him, for the first time since as long as she herself was small, she had known such love, such intimacy, such a unity that could never be experienced with anyone.
But Oedipal fantasies invade the real world of mother-child relationships.

I would like to present this conflict in a somewhat new way and add this. The father can also treat the child in a motherly way, while the mother supports him, rejoices and participates in this. Then the child is attracted by the relationship itself: it now belongs more to them than to it. For this, the child must feel that they are more important for each other than it is for each of them. A completely new relationship arises, since the child’s connection with the mother and his connection with the father become something of a game: the child imagines a make-believe (and the mother plays this game with him, and the father plays) that his union with one of the parents is a union adults. Then the little boy becomes the imaginary second husband of his mother, and the girl becomes the second wife of the father, and the two of them turn into parents of the third adult in this growth triangle.