Hidden program

Sometimes people have difficulty because they have a “hidden program”. It looks like sociable and attractive people, carefree and funny - but behind this lies a camera, a notebook and a whistle around your neck. The person marks the necessary items in his list. The first item on the list is usually: “Is he or she fit as a spouse?”
The fact that two lonely people are to some extent (consciously or unconsciously) preoccupied with such thoughts is, of course, nothing abnormal. But lonely people who stumble on a “hidden program” are usually inclined to evaluate “suitability for marriage,” and this trait of their character becomes very noticeable.
Such people purposefully ask questions about where they work, where their subject lives, about his former marital and / or love relationships, bad habits, whether he loves children, has them and wants to have them from her (him) . And all this in the first ten minutes.
If you think that you can be attributed to this category, do not judge yourself too harshly.
Just imagine how you would feel yourself, being at the very beginning of your acquaintance with something like a suspect at the cross-examination. You probably would have thought you were being searched; you would probably not mind making sure that, besides the irrepressible desire to get married, your interlocutor has some other valuable qualities.
You will learn that a person is only when he wants to open up to you, regardless of your efforts and the number of questions you ask him. You can help him with this, but trying out what interests you, too frankly or at the wrong time, you will push him away from you. Pressure, “interrogation with predilection”, expectation from the interlocutor of “correct answers” ​​when he feels that he can “not fit”, that his personality is reduced to several points in the questionnaire — all this creates tension and cannot be pleasant.
A person with a “hidden program” usually worries about not wasting time. Who wants to spend four years with a man who clearly does not suit him?
Although it may indeed seem to you that spending four years “not with that” person is a waste of time (you can bet that, since you’ll probably learn something else during this period), at the beginning of your acquaintance the bill goes on not for years. It’s more realistic to count on three or four dates, and if during this time things do not go as you would like, you shouldn’t consider it lost.
Is it fair to suspect someone with whom you have not spoken even ten minutes, just because you spent the last years of your life “not with that” person? Is he to blame for keeping in touch that gave you nothing? Hardly. In order for you to know something essential about your potential partner, it is necessary that he trust you a little. And it takes time.