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Jealousy

Lecture



For many, jealousy hides the fear of losing a partner. Those who do not want to admit this prefer to blame the partner if his behavior provides food for jealousy. “You promised never to leave me,” “You said that you love me,” is how or about this is how complaints sound. Depending on the nature of the jealous man, alienation occurs or flashes of rage are observed.
The orientation towards the forms of manifestation of feelings accepted in society prevails. “Infidelity testifies to the absence of virtue, it is a bad trait of character” - such reasoning helps, for example, to distract from itself and to place the blame for the painful situation on the partner.
Blaming a partner for his own poor health, a jealous man with a clear conscience thinks he is a victim and evades responsibility. Fear of losing a partner is so great that it literally paralyzes some people. They are made incapable of anything. They lose interest in everything. The idea that the other will leave their lives plunges them into panic. They feel that some of them are dying off, and resist it with all their might.
This possibility of loss with all its terrible consequences causes jealousy even in those periods when there is absolutely no reason for it. There are many reasons for mistrust. And in the end what happens is so afraid. Such behavior sooner or later destroys any connection.
In addition to the fear of losing a partner, there is another reason behind jealousy. Many consider the breakup of a partnership and the state of abandonment as a failure. For such people, this means "I am not good enough." They naturally try to prevent this feeling of inferiority. So you shouldn't let them leave you.
What to do?
Jealousy is a feeling, and in itself it is neither bad nor good. It is only because of how this feeling is treated, it has a corresponding impact on our behavior and condition. If I realize that the reason lies in me, that it lies in the fear of loss, in my dependence and in my feelings of inferiority, then the partnership will not suffer.
On the contrary, if the partner is considered only as a causative agent of feelings, and not as the culprit of the event, this can support the partnership at a certain stage. A willingness to believe the cause in oneself may be a contributor to change. No organic symptoms will be needed to indicate the need to treat yourself differently and look for solutions to your problems in yourself. If we do not want to recognize this fact, then our body will sooner or later clearly indicate where changes are necessary. In accordance with our reaction, the necessary symptoms will appear.
So, if jealousy is well known to you, open up to your partner in it. It is perfectly in the order of things, to experience the fear of loss and a sense of inferiority. Only you have to admit that these are your own feelings and that it is your beliefs and evaluations that evoke these feelings. Then you will not find any guilt in your partner, but you will understand that it is only a reason. Later, you will feel grateful to the partner for helping you get rid of the bad mood.
You should never forget one thing: if a person really belongs to you, then you cannot lose him, and if he no longer belongs to you, you will not be able to keep him. No need to try, because it only takes away strength, but does not prevent the gap, but only hurts you.
created: 2015-12-25
updated: 2023-06-29
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Family Psychology

Terms: Family Psychology