Lecture
Psychological support groups for grieving adults represent a valuable resource for those experiencing loss or severe emotional stress as a result of painful events, such as the death of a loved one. These groups provide a space for support and for sharing experience with people who have gone through similar difficulties. Here are the general characteristics of psychological support groups for grieving adults:
Safe and confidential environment: The groups create a safe place where participants can freely express their emotions, fears, and feelings without fear of judgment or condemnation. Confidentiality is usually strictly observed.
Facilitation by professionals: Psychological support groups are run by experienced psychologists, therapists, or counsellors trained to work with those experiencing grief. They guide the process and provide support and direction.
Sharing experience: Participants can share their stories and experiences with others. This helps them feel less alone and isolated in their pain.
Support through the mourning process: Psychological support groups can help participants understand and express their feelings, as well as teach skills for managing mourning.
Psychoeducation: Some groups may hold educational sessions so that participants understand how the mourning process works and how to cope with it.
Help with adaptation: Grief can affect various aspects of life. Psychological support groups can help participants adapt to the new reality and find joy in life again.
Developing resources: Groups can help participants discover and develop their own resources and abilities for coping with loss.
Long-term nature: Psychological support groups can be long-term, since the mourning process is individual for each person and may require time for adaptation.
Individual approach: Understanding that each participant is unique and may experience grief in their own way helps facilitators adapt the programme and support to individual needs.
At the first session it is important to establish an atmosphere of personal safety. An atmosphere of calm is ensured by the following
preliminary conditions:
At each session there should be a box of paper tissues, placed where it is convenient for everyone to
reach.
The goal of the first session is to get, as far as possible, an open account from each participant in the group work about their own problems.
a. The session begins with an introduction (presentation) of the facilitator(s). The self-presentation consists of an account of the facilitator’s qualifications and experience
in working with these or similar problems.
b. The next stage of the session is getting acquainted.
At this stage each participant introduces themselves and states the reason
for coming. The facilitator should encourage everyone to describe the loss they have experienced in as much detail as possible. It is good if the person names the deceased
or the person they divorced; if not, the facilitator should ask about it.
At this stage it is very important that people simply listen and do not give
advice.
Summing up, the facilitator should draw the group’s attention to the common features
(symptoms) in the participants’ emotional experiences and behaviour of the group.
The first session should last no more than an hour and a half. Preparation for the next session: print out for everyone sheets with
the surnames, addresses, and telephone numbers of the group’s participants. This will lay the foundation for building
support and interaction outside the group context.
Preparation for the second session does not differ from preparation for the previous one: comfortable furniture, soft light, tissues.
It is possible that not everyone got acquainted at the first session, or some
were unable to do so. In this case the facilitator organizes a continuation
of the introductions
If there are newcomers, then let each participant from the first meeting
introduce themselves to the newcomers and say what loss befell them. Only
afterward should the same be offered to the newcomers.
Bob Deits suggests moving on already at this session to a discussion
of the key factors that define grief. Here are these factors:
To come out of grief, you must go through it.
There is no worse grief than your own.
Grief — is hard work.
You cannot work through grief effectively alone
Start of the session: “My news”.
It is better to start the session with the following question: “Who would like
to share their news from the past week?” The facilitator
needs to watch that the conversation does not shift to a topic not directly
related to personal recovery from grief.
Exercise. Diagram of my mood. This exercise is close
in meaning to psychobiographical research (for example, the methods of A.
A. Kronik, Ye.Yu. Korzhova). In these methodological techniques there is
a return to one’s past life in order to carry out a certain review of its events on a
scale of happiness — unhappiness or joy — grief.
In this exercise, memories should be limited to two,
at most three years.
Instructions.
Make a list of events (significant changes in your life over the
past two (three) years. Place these events on the line as points,
marking positive events in the upper part of the drawing, and
negative, unfavourable ones in the lower part.
Mark on the chart, in sequence: 1) the event, indicating its
negative or positive significance for you; 2) illnesses you
had at that time; 3) the mood that this event caused in you; and 4)
the colour that best expresses your mood.
Exercise “What do you want to change?”
The group is asked to think and say what each of the participants
in the group discussion would change in their past life, what event,
something within their power — one specific thing.
Sufficient time should be given for this task, and once it
has been completed, the results should be discussed with each person in the group.
Homework. “The Journal”.
Buy a notebook and label it — Journal. Every day between
meetings, write down each day:
what important thing happened that day;
the name of the person who became significant to me that day;
what feelings, thoughts troubled me;
what I did not like about my behaviour that day;
what I am going to do tomorrow.
At the end of the entry, note the date and time of writing. The journal should be brought
to the next session.
Start of the session. “My news”
We ask the group the following question: “Who would like to share their
news from the past week?”
The facilitator needs to watch that the conversation does not shift to a topic
not directly related to personal recovery from grief.
Checking the homework.
You can start by asking how everyone felt about the idea of keeping a journal.
It is likely that someone forgot to bring their journal to the session, and another did not fill
it all in. One should not adopt the pose of a teacher and scold anyone for not doing
the homework. Reassure the “forgetful” ones by telling them it is not a problem and
they can try again next time.
Those who wish may be invited to read an excerpt from their journal. After
that, the group should be reminded of the need to keep writing in the journal.
The following points of self-analysis can be added to the journal:
changes in behaviour, thoughts, and feelings that I notice in myself;
notes for myself.
When the group moves on to personal conversation, some group members
may complain that by the end of the session they feel worse than they did at
the beginning. They should be reassured, and told that this is the price paid for the possibility
of improving their condition in the future, that this is normal, that it is a sign
of growth, that it is a positive phenomenon, even if an unpleasant one. It is necessary
to convince them that they will feel better if they continue
the work.
Even at this stage of the work, people may appear who abandon
the sessions. Contact with them should be maintained, and they should be helped to find other kinds
of support.
At this stage of the group sessions it is important to pay attention to how
the process of grieving is unfolding. As Bob Deits writes, “Grief is the nuclear
energy of our emotions. If it is understood, harnessed, and directed, it becomes
a creative force. But if it goes out of control, if it is distorted and
not understood, it can become a destructive force” [ ,73-74]
The session should begin, as usual, with an invitation
to share something that happened during the time since the previous
meeting.
At this session we begin working on restoring the balance
of life’s forces.
The problem of your grief should be discussed. We do not need to give
a definition of what grief is. It is important to understand that your grief has a beginning,
a purpose, and an end.
The beginning of your grief. A topic for discussion in the group. The facilitator should
prompt participants in the group discussion to recall and tell,
when they began to grieve, what accompanied the process of grief, what experiences
they went through.
The purpose of grief. This is a rather paradoxical phrase. It turns out that
misfortune has some kind of purpose. If one settles on the purpose being the creation
of unbearable suffering, that can still be accepted, but grief also has some
a positive purpose. This thesis should be discussed in the group. What do we think about
grief? What is positive in grief?
The end of grief. Grief can be defined as work that
must be done. Like any work, it has a beginning and, certainly,
an end. The signal that this hard work is complete — will be
the restoration of the balance of strength.
The session should begin, as usual, with an invitation
to share something that happened during the time since the previous
meeting. The group leader suggests reading aloud the entries in the journal
made during the week.
The discussion in the sixth session can follow this outline:
Does anyone have the thought that they alone are forced to suffer so much,
overcoming grief?
Has it become harder for anyone to do their usual work at home or at
work?
does anyone have the feeling, does it occur to anyone, that they
are going crazy?
have you noticed forgetfulness in yourself (forgetting phone
numbers, apartment keys, the names of friends and acquaintances, etc.).
The symptoms of grief listed above are found in many people. This
is called fragmentary amnesia, which is quite normal during the
first 3—6 months after a severe loss.
Discussing these symptoms in the group and realizing that others have
experienced the same thing lifts the oppressive weight from one's shoulders through the mechanism of “removing the
uniqueness of what is happening to me”
At this session, the question of relationships with those who are not
grieving can be discussed. Difficulties may arise in relationships with these people.
It should be remembered, and this can be a subject for group discussion:
you cannot expect others to grieve for you, and to
cope with grief for you;
people mostly want to help me, they most often have good
intentions, they simply do not know how to express support and often say
foolish things;
people simply do not know how to help me, and therefore I must
tell them myself what I need;
I will try to be as patient with them as I want them to be
patient with me.
The sixth session ends with a farewell ritual.
The seventh session can begin with a discussion of the question:
Who has been the most important person to me this week?
The next topic for discussion is problems with falling asleep or
waking up.
All those present are given the opportunity to voice their personal
problems related to sleep.
For the participants in the group discussion, it is of great value
to hear about other people's experiences related to sleep.
It should be noted that in the process of recovery from grief, the role of nutrition
occupies an exceptionally important place. Having the necessary
nutrients in one's diet is exceptionally important for health during stress
The first thing to pay attention to is your weight. People react differently to stress. Some begin to eat a great deal and as a
result — gain weight. Others lose interest in food and lose weight. In any
case, if your weight has changed by more than 10%, your diet
lacks certain elements, and your strength needed
to fight stress will decrease.
There are many diets and pieces of advice on proper nutrition.
It is important to make sure that your diet helps rather than harms the process of
recovery
Close the session with a farewell ritual.
At the beginning of the session, participants are invited to share entries in
their journal; time is given to each person to share their successes and
failures for the week.
Exercise “Letter to Grief”
Each person is given a sheet of paper, and then a text is dictated, roughly
as follows:
Dear Grief!
The sadness I feel is not a punishment, it is my medal. I
proudly wear it as a sign of a shattered life. The manifestation of grief means
to me the importance of ________________(each person writes the name
of the loss here).
I want to feel the full pain of my grief, as the last tribute of my
love for _________ (each person writes the name). I will go through this experience.
I will not run away from it.
Sincerely._______________signature
The signature on the document is placed after everyone has talked about this
document.
In what sense do they understand grief not as a punishment but as a symbol
of a medal? What do they think in general about drafting such a document?
Perhaps someone will want to make some change to this document,
add something — all of this should be welcomed.
Procedure. When everyone has signed their letters, they should be taped
to the wall — one at a time, and as each person's statement
is put up, the author reads it aloud, together with any
changes made.
After the texts have been made public, the participants in the group discussion
take down their sheets and put them in a shared folder.
Homework. Next week, begin corresponding with
grief. If you have lost a loved one, this exercise is especially useful in
during the first three months after the tragic event.
You should write two letters.
The first letter is from you to grief. The form of the letter may look
as follows.
Letter one
Date_____________ Time____________
To Grief
Sincerely___________(Signature)
Writing such a somewhat strange letter requires a little
preparation. First, ask yourself: “If it were possible to talk to
grief, what would I say to it about the influence it has on my
life”. It is important to be extremely sincere.
Letter two
24 hours later, write a reply letter, from grief — to you. The addressee is you
yourself, and the signature: “Sincerely yours, Grief”.
Before writing the second letter, ask yourself: “What can grief
say to me? What does it want from me?”
Close the session with a farewell ritual.
The session should begin, as usual, with an invitation
to share something that happened during the time since the previous
meeting.
Ask those gathered to tell how they felt about
corresponding with grief. Those who brought these letters with them, if they wish, may
read them aloud.
It is important to support those who could not complete this assignment. Attention can
be given to the feelings that prevented them from completing the assignment. It is also
worth talking about the feelings that accompanied a person as they
wrote these letters.
When everyone has spoken, one of the relaxation
exercises should be carried out, as a reward for the labor and tension endured.
Close the session with a farewell ritual.
For the final session, special preparation is
necessary. Perhaps you should prepare some special touches for
the room, refreshing drinks.
Remind everyone that today is our last meeting.
Give members of the group time to socialize before
parting.
Now is the time to get feedback. Ask everyone to share
what they gained from these sessions and how they feel about their
ending.
There may be those who wish to continue meeting. You need to decide in advance
whether you will continue as the group leader. In any case, it is necessary
to take a break of at least two weeks.
If we decide to keep meeting, we need to decide
this same day — whether to admit new members to the group. It should be
remembered that newcomers have not done the exercises that the “veterans” have.
It is important not to pressure anyone into continuing the sessions.
After everyone has spoken on this topic, the group can be offered
the exercise “best friend—worst enemy”
Divide a sheet of paper in half with a vertical line
down the middle. At the top left write: “Worst Enemy”, and on the right —“Best Friend”.
Now think about the following statements:
In a sense, each of us is our own worst enemy. As
our own enemy, we create internal conflicts and
make it harder for ourselves to do what we want or need to do.
Conversely, in a sense, each of us is our own best friend
to ourselves. As our own friend, we bring our personal skill,
talents, and energy to everything we do.
Next, on the left side of the sheet write down how you harm yourself.
On the right side write down how you help yourself as a friend.
Compare the lists. Could the “Best Friend” help the “Worst
Enemy”?
Perhaps some qualities of the “worst enemy” could be corrected by a
psychologist-counselor.
After finishing the exercise, gather in a circle, thank
each other for the help and care, and in conclusion say some
short positive statement.
Words for describing feelings
| Happy | Angry | Sad |
 |
 |
 |
| Carefree Sincere Peaceful Joyful Cheerful Lively Animated Reverent Exultant Nonchalant Frivolous Ecstatic |
Furious Irritable Ferocious Angry Vexed Wrathful Fierce Enraged Bitter Fuming |
Sour Worthless Gloomy Unhappy Sullen Oppressive Discouraged Depressed Mournful Dejected Abandoned Joyless |
| Signs of distorted (pathological) grief | Healthy grief |
| Persistent thoughts of suicide. You begin to think through the method and conditions for carrying out these thoughts | Thoughts of suicide appear, but they pass quickly. |
| You avoid friends and family. You are unable to provide yourself with basic necessities | You willingly accept the care of other people. |
| You persistently deny the loss, you do not want to admit to yourself what happened even several months after the tragic event. | You have accepted the loss, you feel that something irreparable has happened, you have various reactions to grief: anger, depression, despondency. |
| You abuse alcohol, sleeping pills, tranquilizers. You may not eat enough or grab food on the run. | Your use of alcohol, sleeping pills, etc. does not exceed the usual norm, although you do feel a desire to take something to forget for a while. |
| You feel constant anxiety, loss of strength, hallucinations — all of this indicates an emotional breakdown | You feel your situation with sadness, but this does not prevent you from carrying out your duties at work and at home. You may get tired more than usual, but sleep restores your strength. |
You have reviewed the list of symptoms (signs of distorted grief) indicating that you have exhausted your ability to cope with stress on your own. If you are still hesitant about seeing a psychologist or not — go! When you go to a psychologist, do not hesitate to ask whether they have worked with grief before. After one or two sessions you will understand whether this particular person can help you, and if you do not feel a mutual understanding, turn to another psychologist
This reminder was compiled both for independent work and for
discussion in the group.
The purpose of this reminder is to help the affected person restore their strength,
grieve out their grief, overcome the weariness of life that has suddenly come upon them.
The reminder consists of four parts:
Part one.
Your grief has a beginning, a purpose, and an end.
Grief is work that must be done. It is not the most
pleasant work in your life. But recall, did you always have to
do pleasant work in your life? Washing dirty dishes, floors, doing laundry and
so on. And no matter how much we put off work that does not bring us
satisfaction, we still had to do it. Recall that after
finishing unpleasant work that does not bring joy, real
relief comes. You have, perhaps, had cases in your life
when you were genuinely at fault before someone: this could have been your parents, brothers
and sisters, friends. You felt uncomfortable, awkward, your thoughts were confused
and you could not find your place… until you finally gathered your
strength and went and apologized. And you immediately felt
much lighter because, in that situation, you overcame yourself, worked through it
Perhaps, until now there was no pain in your life, you lived happily and
serenely, and suddenly you have to cope with an event that does not
fit into your usual course of life.
What does the appearance of an event in your life mean, an event that has
never happened before? It means that you do not know how to deal with it, how
to react to it. Therefore, you need to learn to experience grief.
Perhaps this suggestion will frighten you. You may think that
once you learn to experience grief, tragic events will
become constant companions of your life. It would of course be better to do without grief
altogether. But that is not how life works, and you must admit this to yourself, you must be
honest with yourself. From time to time we suffer losses, and so
it is important to know that our grief has a purpose.
It was very comfortable for us to live with the thought that life is good, the world is arranged
justly. But a severe loss undermines your faith in a wonderful life, and
you begin to think that life is not such a wonderful thing after all, that it is
unjust. Psychologists call this state after a loss —
the collapse of basic illusions. This is a farewell to the romantic view
of life. Our life, our world, is indeed not made only for happiness
the way a bird is made for flight. From time to time grief enters our world, and now it is up to
you how you meet it. Like a child who has had a beloved
toy taken away, or like an adult who understands that in life, alongside
joys, there is also grief.
A severe loss throws you off balance. In the first moment you are, as it
were, not living, you are in shock, you are paralyzed by fear. It is hard to make yourself
to move, think, feel, speak. And it is in this situation that you
need to regain your balance, that is, to continue living. To do this you must
believe that there is a purpose in everything that is happening.
The purpose is not in the fact of the loss itself. No. The purpose is in your state,
your behavior after the tragic event. The purpose is in overcoming your
fear, which paralyzes your life.
There are, at the very least, two possible paths here.
The first path. One can consider what happened to be a lesson, a punishment
for a not entirely righteous life. Very often one can hear from
bereaved people phrases such as: “Why me?”, “What did I do wrong?”. The questions
are understandable, but it is hard to call them wise. Bad and tragic events
happen to good people and bad people alike. Grief does not choose
its victim based on the righteousness of the latter's conduct.
The second path. It is no easier than the first, but it is the only correct one.
Losses come to us because we live in an imperfect world, in
which life coexists with death.
To grow beyond your loss, you must become firm in the thought that the fact
of death does not diminish life.
Part two. You are responsible for your life even when grief has visited it.
So, we have settled on the thought that there is no fault of yours in what has
happened. You are not responsible for the crisis event in your life. What you
continue to be responsible for is your life, which is now not as
happy as it once was. You are responsible for the process of emerging from
grief, for the grieving process itself. Why me? Why can the
responsibility for the process of grief not be shifted onto others, stronger people? In
reality it cannot. The fact is that no one can grieve in your place,
“feel for you and cry for you, and this is an essential part of
recovery after a severe loss” [1, p.115]. One should know and always
remember that grief is not an illness that one will sooner or later be cured of;
grief is age-old and heavy work that must be carried out.
It is important to remember that in difficult moments of life it is necessary to preserve
responsibility for your existence, for all the events you encounter.
But when sadness and longing fill everything around, when it seems that nothing
around you can even surprise you, let alone give you even a drop of peace and
a little joy, it is hardest of all to preserve a sense of responsibility for your own
recovery.
But when sadness becomes unbearable, you may fall into a state of depression.
Depression requires treatment, but this is only a break in the work on grief.
It is a break that you have taken in the work on grief. Having rested, you plan
to return to your former work.
In any case, you take upon yourself the responsibility to see it through to the end.
Part three. Asking for help is not always a sign of weakness.
It should be remembered that the work on grief is not done alone. That
to come out of sadness, despair, depression you need support, you need
other people.
A person feels calmer when they know that they have somewhere to
turn, where they will be understood, listened to, given the necessary support.
The main thing is not to be afraid to ask for help. It is important that the person to
whom one turns for help understands the process of recovery
after grief that has been experienced
Part four. The process of recovery cannot always be sped up — do not rush the event.
One can understand a person who wants to finish the
work on grief as quickly as possible, who is in a hurry to be free of experiences and suffering.
But it should be remembered that the work on grief cannot be hastened, it cannot
be rushed. As a rule, at least 2–3 years will pass before you live through
a death or a divorce.
So, this process cannot be hastened. So perhaps you will not be able
to bear such prolonged suffering. Be assured, you will be able to, and
you will endure it all, you will bear it all.
In the process of experiencing grief, losses too cannot be avoided. Someone among your friends
will disappoint you, and you will lose one of your friends.
Another's grief often scares away those who do not share it. But you will pass
through grief and regain your strength. This is a task that requires a great deal
of patience, not only from you, but from your friends as well
Support groups for grieving adults represent a powerful resource for helping people cope with loss and emotional difficulties. They create an opportunity for expressing feelings, finding understanding, and receiving support from other people who have experienced similar losses.
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