17. FEARS OF CHILDREN

By the end of preschool age, the child’s behavior begins to change dramatically. If earlier the child carelessly indulged in games, running around, and the desire to move, to make noise was one of his main desires, if he was very interested in the events around him, and he still did not perceive the relationship between phenomena, and the patterns by which phenomena occur are still completely were inaccessible to him, then gradually the child comprehends the world with its laws, interdependencies, mutual transitions, contradictions and difficulties. And this first comprehension of the world is largely stimulated by feelings that are called intellectual. These feelings arise in the process of knowing the world around us, in the process of solving the tasks that a person encounters in life. This is a surprise before a complex or incomprehensible phenomenon, and a desire to learn something new, not yet known, and doubts about the correctness of the solution found, and joy about the discovery made, confidence or uncertainty about the validity of a conclusion, etc. These feelings are far from unequivocal, differ in their content, in complexity, and therefore, naturally, they do not immediately occur in a child. Some of them are formed and manifest as early as preschool age, others can be observed only in an adult.

Still, the baby begins to be surprised by the incomprehensible and unknown, the joy in solving, although the simplest, but already the task, the inquisitive desire to learn, the feeling of pleasure from his first, still timid intellectual actions. By 4–5 years earlier, almost indifferent to everything, except for games, the kid suddenly begins to fall asleep to us literally with the questions: “Why does the Moon turn round, does it become sharp?”; "Where do the stars come from?"; "And who shakes the trees?"; “What is a border, why is it protected, who lives abroad, what kind of border is it?”; “Why do fish live in water, and why do they die if they are pulled out of the water? How does it die? And what do fish eat? Is the octopus a fish too? Is a whale - not a fish, and how can this be? A child of preschool age in the process of cognition of reality includes an emotional component that makes this process excitingly interesting. Therefore, the child does not just observe events - he wants to know their cause, he is interested to find out what is happening around him and why this is the case and not otherwise.

The child is full of confidence in the words of an adult, convinced that mom, dad, grandmother everyone knows, and whatever they ask, they can give an exhaustive and clear answer.

Everything excites the child, he craves for everything to hear the answer, and therefore he twitches an adult: “Why?”, “Why?”, “Why?”. And here the position of an adult must be absolutely clear: either the answer is accurate, clear, understandable to a child of this age, or a reference to the fact that this phenomenon is not entirely clear to adults, or a conscious veil about what the child should not yet know. Sometimes you also have to look in the encyclopedia yourself or in the relevant directories, books, go to the library to explain to the child what he is asking so persistently.

But still, in those situations where the content or cause of the phenomenon can be easily established by the child himself without the help of an adult, our insistent demands are simply necessary: ​​“And you yourself think,” “Look carefully yourself, maybe you will guess”; "Try to do it yourself, you can do it." It is in this way that we will stimulate in the child the desire to independently learn something, to guess something, to establish something common, natural, which will then inseparably connect with intellectual feelings, and later on will become the basis of interest, curiosity, and then creativity. But you can never answer the questions of the child: "Leave me alone," "Do not bother me with your stupid questions," "I am busy, then." And “later” is no longer necessary, because if the interest in knowledge is not supported in time, warmed and fired, then it will be too late. Well, if the child himself seeks to know, he is looking for something in the books, he asks others. And if this passionate desire to know he will not be? But then we’ll face: “I don’t want to teach this hated chemistry, I’m not going to solve problems, I’m tired,” “I’m not going to read War and Peace — enough of what I watched on TV.” And we are worried, worried, nervous, horrified: “The son does not want to learn! So I would like to finish 10 classes, but at least 8 I reached! ”; “My daughter doesn’t want to finish the ten-year-old, she’s up to it - I’ll go to work in the trade: it's more interesting than cramming all day long!” Perhaps the reason for this is indifference to the child’s questions, his interests, his greedy and disinterested desire to know which we were so mindlessly suppressing when he was small?

It is necessary to support this nascent sense of cognition in a child, stimulate curiosity, awaken a sense of surprise in front of the unknown, the ability to see new things, understand the incomprehensible, cause an independent desire to understand the unclear, make the unknown for itself known. Such feelings will further stimulate the intellectual search for the child. Already in preschool age, the process of thinking begins to develop, and then it will increasingly occupy a place in the child’s psyche, and therefore intellectual feelings, which are inseparably connected with the process of thinking, will be more and more necessary for the child. They will be the basis of his interests, and therefore life goals, they will stimulate not only learning activities and the process of knowledge, but also creativity. “No matter how unstable and shaky the mental life of a child seems to us (especially in the early years), we still should not forget that a child“ from two to five ”is the most inquisitive creature on earth and that most of the questions he addresses to to us, it is caused by the urgent need of his tireless brain to grasp the environment as soon as possible, ”writes KI Chukovsky .

But if intellectual feelings are only formed at preschool age, then moral feelings already reach a certain “maturity”. We have already said that by the age of 6 the child has a rather definite feeling of compassion, that he is already experiencing this feeling and, under his influence, acts accordingly towards others around him. Children of preschool age also begin to reinforce a sense of shame, the first elements of conscience are formed as an acute experience of their guilt, a feeling of sympathy for their peers develops into a stable attachment, the child acutely experiences separation from his mother, father, relatives, he is bored, being deprived of communication with peers, can be offended, feel jealous of relationships with friends, that is, the palette of his feelings is becoming more and more colorful and multicolored. All this indicates that the child gradually masters all those emotional states that are peculiar to man. In dealing with peers, friends, acquaintances and strangers, a child experiences different feelings: joy, resentment, anger, fear, sadness, compassion, pity, shame, etc. Some of them are fleeting, passing, others leave some mark on the child’s psyche , the third is firmly and thoroughly fixed and can be felt after a long period of time. Especially often this happens with a sense of fear. In the special pedagogical literature, the facts of the manifestation of fear in children are described quite thoroughly, and in the medical literature, the nervousness of children as a consequence of such fears. The first manifestations of this feeling (and perhaps not even feelings?) Appear in a very young child: he may be frightened by some kind of sharp sound, he may have fear in some new and unusual conditions for him, he may

scare even the unexpected appearance of a known subject. As the child develops, the feeling of fear does not disappear, it only changes and switches to other objects. Yes, indeed, some fears go away when children get older, but some remain and stay for a long time.

From the memories of adults, you can better understand our own baby and learn some lessons for yourself. First of all, the fact that the fear experienced by the child is not such an innocent feeling, and if the baby cries, resists, if he comes to the affective state, you should think about whether you need to drag him right now to the vaccine, whether it is necessary for a long time and thoroughly scold or beat for some act, whether it is necessary to keep in perpetual fear. After all, some unknown ways often experienced fear, and especially if it is the fear of punishment, gradually “spreading out”, binds the initiative, the child’s will, restrains his freedom, kills independence and self-confidence. A strong feeling of fear can “stick” forever into the child’s psyche, a person will experience acute attacks of fear not only in real situations, but also in imaginary ones. Of course, there are quite a few situations in which a child may be frightened and which we, parents, unfortunately, simply cannot foresee: a dog suddenly attacked a child, he saw a snake in the forest, he was frightened by thunderstorms, he became frightened in a dark room. But there are situations that are subject to us. Of course, it is not necessary to punish a child because of every trifling case, especially to beat; it is not necessary to subject a child to a severe punishment because of every bad assessment, it is better to try to find out the reasons for academic failure. It is worth considering whether to leave a small child alone at home, especially in winter, when dusk comes early. Do not intimidate the child with injections, doctors, police - it is unlikely that such a measure would give positive results. Still, a lot of fears among children are caused either by ourselves due to a misunderstanding of what can scare a child, or because of its cruelty, or because of simple carelessness. Consider whether your behavior towards your child is something that gives rise to their fears. There is a lot of evidence that the cause of such illnesses of children as neurosis, stuttering, insomnia, irritability, and such traits as cowardice, timidity, lack of confidence in themselves and their own strengths, lies in those very emotional feelings of fear that the child experienced in his communicating with people or in their perception of the surrounding reality.

Parents often contact a neuropsychiatric doctor and explain that the child began to stutter or “nervousness” appeared after a huge dog jumped out from behind the fence and loudly barked; another began to wake up at night, to call his mother, to shout after a goat chased after him; the third is naughty after the elder brother has changed into a sheepskin coat turned inside out and roared like a bear. For a long time, it was believed that the cause of neurosis in a child is exclusively scare, especially in an impressionable, sensitive child with a weak nervous system. However, although the child’s neurosis develops mostly after mental trauma or fright, the causes of the breakdown are more complex and associated with the whole process of education. It makes sense to dwell in more detail on these reasons, since it turns out that many of them are caused by parenting errors. There are plenty of events that can cause a fright in a child, but what is interesting is that not every child has the same event causing a feeling of fear, and, moreover, the event often does not in itself cause fear, but that frightening assessment, which he gives adults. That is why a calm reaction of parents is necessary, even in cases where the situation can really cause a sense of fear in the child. After all, children are braver than us adults: they are not afraid to fall from the balcony, are outweighed from the railing of the stairs, not at all fearing to roll over, fly high on a swing. Children are not afraid just because they do not yet realize the danger - they do not appreciate the distance, they do not foresee pain, they do not understand that they can fall. The child can safely stand near the fire, but it is enough for him at least once to experience pain from a burn, so that he becomes afraid of all that is hot. Of course, we must warn in advance of possible dangers: “do not approach the stove”, “do not touch the matches”, “get off the windowsill, or you will fall”, “do not tease the dog - they will bite”. All this we say calmly, we explain the child kindly and easily. But once we show our horror, discover anxiety, anxiety, and the child after us can experience the affective state of fear. Doctors advise to protect children from nervous breakdowns as calmly as possible to treat all kinds of incidents that may frighten the child, explaining that there is nothing wrong with them, do not intimidate children, try to fulfill the reasonable request of the child, expressed in a calm manner, and at the same time, carefully monitor that the nervous manifestations never bring him any benefits.

The medical literature describes the so-called obsessive fears in children. But if the child does not experience an acute condition with all the symptoms of affect (trembling, pallor, dilated pupils, cold extremities, etc.), then you can not really be afraid - there is nothing neurotic here. But if the fear is really obsessive, and the child cannot get rid of it, if he every time is trembling with horror when confronted with objects that cause him a sense of fear, then it is necessary to consult a psychoneurologist. This is also important because the child will soon go to school.

Personal crises of 1 year, 3 and 7 years are of great importance for the further development of the child. Therefore, it is very important that adults treat the child with understanding and patience at this time. To do this, it is recommended to avoid extremes in communication with the child (it is impossible to allow the baby to do everything or to forbid everything). It is important to coordinate the style of behavior with all members of the family. We can not ignore what happens to the child, but at the same time we must try to explain to him that his parents and other relatives have other things besides taking care of him, and that he can help in solving some problems. It is important to give the child to perform their own tasks so that he feels autonomous. It is necessary to encourage his initiative, to encourage it (if there is none). But at the same time, the child should always feel the support and approval of a significant adult. It must be remembered that the ban and raising the voice - the most ineffective means of education, and try to do without them.

When a child becomes slightly older, it is important to expand the circle of acquaintances of the child, more often to give him instructions related to communication with other adults and peers. At the same time, the child’s self-reliance should be strengthened. But we must remember that the child in his behavior and actions imitates adults, and try to give him a good personal example. However, all this is possible only if a child has an close emotional contact with an adult.

Admission to the school is considered a turning point in the child’s life. If earlier, in the preschool period, children consider themselves practically free, then at school they immediately place a number of specific requirements on them, primarily organizational ones. Their life is subject to a system of rules. The child should not only regularly receive new knowledge, new information, sometimes in a very large amount, but also have a certain responsibility to teachers, parents and classmates. All this undoubtedly leads to stressful situations. This is manifested differently in all children. Some for a long time can not get used to the new environment.

The main neoplasm of primary school age is abstract verbal and logical thinking and the ability of children to arbitrarily regulate and control their behavior. The first helps the child to further develop scientific concepts and operate with them. And the second becomes an important quality of the child's personality.

At preschool age conscious control of behavior occurs, but volitional actions often alternate with unintended actions. Also during this period is laid the ability to keep the goal in the spotlight.

In addition, self-regulation develops, children learn to manage their behavior to a certain extent. Reflection develops, that is, the child’s ability to be aware of what he is doing and to argue for each of his actions. He has an internal action plan. The skills of reading, writing, and the ability to perform mathematical calculations accumulate.

Confidence in oneself or, on the contrary, in case of difficulties, self-doubt is also formed. At the same stage, the formation of the level of self-esteem. There are new relationships in the team, class, new authorities. Most often this is a teacher. Games already occupy a secondary position. At this time, the child should be actively involved in domestic and social work in order to master the skills of domestic work.