Using the received information about disgust and scorn

Before considering how you can use the information that someone is scorned or disgusted, remember that this person may not be disgusted with you; his disgust may be directed at himself or he may recall some unpleasant event from his past life. Although it may also be assumed that a person expressing contempt may experience this emotion in relation to his own actions or thoughts, I myself have never encountered this.
Since anger is most often confused with disgust, and some anger reactions may eventually develop into a disgust reaction, I will highlight the differences in how you can behave when you notice signs of disgust and contempt and, for comparison, when you notice signs anger. Suppose you tell your subordinate that he does not receive a promotion, and he responds to your words either with an expression of obvious disgust, like the one shown in the snapshot of G (click), or with a scorn expression like the one shown in picture 3, or one of the obvious expressions of anger , shown in section 6. Since you have just reported bad news, it is possible that the disgust, scorn, or anger of your subordinate will be directed at you, but you should also consider the possibility of such a reaction to something else.
If your subordinate is disgusted, then it may be directly related to you or to the situation in your organization and indicates to a greater degree than anger that there is no interest in a new attempt to get promoted. It’s not just that you made the wrong decision; you didn’t just make a mistake — you acted immorally without giving him that boost, and therefore the whole situation looks disgusting to him. If he expresses contempt, then this means that in some sense he considers himself better than you. Perhaps he feels his superiority over you: he knows more about your industry, about the company, about the work he does; he dresses better, etc. Or his sense of superiority may be based on something unrelated to work.
In the anger section, I assumed that in such a situation you might prefer not to deal with anger directly, instead you can say something like: “My decision might well have caused your anger, and I regret it. Tell me, can I do something that will be useful for you? "If you see disgust on his face, you can try to act differently:" I understand that my decision could upset you. Should I give you any clarification or consider other issues with you regarding your future? ”I believe that you will not have to face the likelihood that he will feel rejected by you, since it is difficult for most people to admit this, even if they know that they feel such a rejection. But it may still be useful to give him a chance to talk about his feelings, especially if you want to keep him in your firm. The reaction of contempt can manifest itself in the form of “contempt coming from the bottom up,” when a subordinate tries to prove that he is not powerless or inferior. It may make sense to leave it alone for the time being, saying that you would like to set a different date to discuss future options.
If, in the same situation, the face signals are weak, for example, as in the picture B, and not in the picture D or as in the picture F, but not in the picture AND, and they are the first reactions that appear after you report bad news, then then you have a little more time left. When expressions are so weak, it means that the emotion is either suppressed or is just beginning. If it appears immediately in response to your bad news, then it seems to me likely that the emotional reaction is just beginning and you can get the benefit if you address the problem directly. For example, you can say: “I know that it is difficult for you to come to terms with what you have heard, because the decision made was not entirely justified. Can we talk to you about this? ”Or you can refrain from commenting altogether and wait, whether the feelings will become stronger or something else appears that you could say to ease his disgust. Although studies on this topic have not yet been carried out, I expect that the results of the study of marital relations obtained by the Gottman group could be transferred to other situations - for example, if a person in a subordinate position shows disgust or contempt for his boss, then working relationships are unlikely to be long.
Let us now consider the situation we discussed in section 6. Suppose your teenage daughter had the same expressions when you told her that she would not be able to go to a party with her friends today, because she would have to sit at home with her little brother, while you will be at an important official event that you learned about at the last moment. I assumed that you would have more reason to react to her anger than to the anger of your subordinate who learned that he would not receive a promotion. This does not mean that you should somehow comment on her anger or challenge her right to display this emotion. On the contrary, you can express your sympathy to her about the collapse of her plans and explain why this event is so important to you and why you had to entrust her with the task of looking after your brother.
If she expresses disgust, then I believe that you also should not ignore him. Does she feel fed up with all of this, or does she really think that you have a moral flaw? First of all, you should consider whether you should start the conversation now or wait until your feelings have cooled. If you decide to wait, then beware of the temptation to never start this conversation. The most direct way to appeal to her disgust is simply to say: "Do you think that I am acting unfairly towards you" or "Are you tired of dealing with me?" If you can, do not try to protect yourself and let her Express your feelings. Then try to calmly explain to her your feelings and actions, avoiding harsh words.
If she expresses contempt on her face when she learns from you that she will not be able to go to the party and will have to stay at home due to the fact that you have to go to a formal event, then I would prefer to leave her alone. This may be contempt, directed from the bottom up, an attempt by a teenager to prove that he is not inferior, and in some ways superior to his parents. There may be situations in which you want to deal with her emotions, but in general it is not necessary to do this.
Until now, in all the examples with your daughter, I assumed that her facial expression was quite definite (for example, snapshot D, not B). If she shows a more subtle reaction of disgust, contempt or anger, then perhaps she still does not know what she feels, or her emotion is just beginning to arise. If you can be open and supportive, it will make it easier for you to follow the recommendations outlined in the previous paragraph. But you need to be careful not to force her to take a defensive position. Let her know from your words that you understand the causes of these feelings in her and want to talk to her about them in order to find out what you can do with joint efforts to exclude the frequent appearance of these feelings in her in the future.
Note that in my scenario you, as a parent, behave flawlessly: you were told about the event at the last moment, you really could not correct your plans in a timely manner and ask your daughter about the victim not for your pleasure. Of course, this is not always the case, and the reactions of your child, manifested in the form of anger, disgust, or contempt, can make you check whether you are fair, irresponsible, or selfish. If you find yourself acting selfishly, and if you can admit it, then explain to your daughter what happened and thank her. You have a great opportunity to teach her how to use negative emotions, such as disgust or anger, for positive purposes.