12. Family counseling

Plan

1. The main areas of family counseling

2. Structural model of working with family

1.1.The main theoretical position

1.2.Technology consulting

3. Model of psychological counseling of the family, based on the theory of M. Bowen family systems

3.1. Basic theoretical position

3.2. Consulting techniques

1. The main areas of family counseling

Psychological counseling on family problems has two sources:

1. Knowledge gained in the process of empirical research on family psychology, enshrined in the relevant scientific articles and manuals. In this case, psychological counseling on problems related to family life takes on a form of psychological enlightenment. The main method of exerting influence becomes the communication of psychological information to a client.

2. Ideas about the family and methods established in the immediate practice of working with families. This set of knowledge in the West is called family counseling. The quality of this knowledge is confirmed not in the process of scientific research, but by the fact of the wide use of this knowledge in the modern context.

In modern family therapy can be identified a number of areas:

1. Structural model of work with family (S. Minukhin, B. Montalvo, B. Gurney, B. Rozman, G. Aponte, M. Walther, S. Greenstein). The most famous, used and developed model.

2. The model of psychological counseling of the family, based on M. Bowen’s theory of family systems (psychodynamic model). The main representatives: M. Bowen, M. Nikole, D. Ulrich, I. Boshormeni-Nagy. The second most famous and prevalent model after the structural model.

3. Communication model of work with the family (G. Baitson, P. Watslavik,

V. Satir, D. Grinder, R. Bendler).

4. The experiential model of working with the family (K. Vitaker, RI Bekvar, S. Koch).

5. The strategic model of working with the family (D. Haley, C. Madanes, M. Selvini Palazzoli, P. Pepp).

6. Behavioral model of work with the family (S. Gordon, N. Davidson, S. Kratochvil, R. Dreykurs, E. A. Bleshmen, etc.).

7. The transactional model of family psychological counseling (E. Bern, T. Harris).

At present, it is simply impossible to provide qualified advice on family problems, without knowing the basic principles and achievements of family therapy. Consider the most famous and used approaches.

2. Structural model of working with family

1.1.The main theoretical position

Basic concepts of the structural model of family counseling Family structure; family subsystems (holons); intra-family boundaries (boundaries between subsystems).

1. Family structure

The family structure is a network of requirements and functions (corresponding to the types of intra-family activities), which forms the ways of interaction in the family, as well as the permanent (predictable) types (ways) of behavior based on them. In fact, when they talk about family structure, they mean those rules that exist in the family, according to which the family functions.

Within the framework of the structural model, they talk about the system of maintaining the family structure, which consists of two parts:

1. The genetic system of maintaining structure, family is based on some innate, genetically given feeling about what is right, true for family life, and what is not. In the process of life, a person may form attitudes towards family life, contradicting the requirements of the genetic system for maintaining the family structure. In this case, they say about the need to revive the family structure on the basis of the requirements inherent in man by nature.

It is believed that the genetic system of maintaining the family structure primarily determines the parameters of the intrafamily hierarchy. Here we are talking about the relationship to power - the subordination, but not based on violence, but on the recognition of the authority of another coming from the depths of the person. This also assumes that the figure to whom power is delegated incurs the burden of responsibility associated with this power. It is considered indisputable in this model of work with the family that the authority of parents should always and everywhere be higher than that of children. This is usually the case in a healthy family, where the parents did not destroy the genetic system of family support themselves. They can do this, for example, undermining the authority of each other in the eyes of a child. Somewhat more challenged, but nevertheless, also existing within the framework of this model is the point of view that the situation is normal when the husband in the family has a little more power and responsibility than the wife. If this is not the case, the woman has to take on male functions in order for the family to function normally, which cannot but cause her discomfort, annoyance towards her husband, men in general.

2. The system of complementary (complementary) roles. The word “role” in this context means a certain way of human behavior in relations with other people, which has developed during his lifetime, the most preferred forms of relationship with another person. Usually we tend to adapt to the role position of the person with whom we are forced to interact. If the roles of two interacting people do not complement each other (for example, one is more competent, the other is more emotional, addicted), then their relationship can easily become conflicted, joint activities will not be effective, and being together will cause discomfort. Thus, the very logic of the relationship pushes the two to complement each other’s roles.

2. Family Subsystems (Holons)

Subsystems of a family are certain subgroups within the family, united around some kind of intra-family or extra-family task and the activity corresponding to it. The prefix "sub ..." here refers to the inclusion of a certain system in a wider system - the family. Within the framework of the structural approach, the family itself is considered as part of a wider social system - the community.

Even one family member can be considered as a subsystem within the family system. But the following subsystems are most often spoken of: the sub-system of a married couple, the sub-system of parents, and the sub-system of children (siblings — brothers and sisters). At the same time, the same family member at different times may enter into different subsystems of the family.

3. Borders between family subsystems

The structure of the family is characterized by the concept of boundaries. The concept of "boundary" marks the rules that determine the level and type of allowed contacts between subsystems, regulate the relations between subsystems, and at the same time inside them. There are the following types of boundaries: rigid, diffuse and clear.

Rigid boundaries are spoken of when the rules of family life overly isolate family members from each other and from society. This is manifested in the aggressive relationship between family members. They live as if separately and in struggle with each other. The expression of rigid boundaries are the phrases: “I have my own worries”, “Take care of your business”. Family members are autonomous, but it is difficult for the family to function, as coordination and adjustment do not occur. Children growing up in such a family acquire the skills of fighting for themselves, but do not develop the skills of coordination and adaptation. Communication between subsystems is scant. Only intense crises, extreme stress unite the family to help any of its members. Family members with tight borders often seek help outside their family.

Regarding diffuse boundaries, at least two options can be distinguished:

1. Each family member constantly cares about everyone, constantly trying to help and assist. Too much coordination and adaptation, so the autonomy is lost, and at the same time the opportunity to experiment. Children in such a family can be confident in their parents, but are not confident in themselves. Children lose reference points in the field of feelings, they do not know which feelings are their own, and which - the echo of their parents. It is difficult for them to establish relationships outside the family, it is not easy to create a new family, especially if they do not receive more intensive support than they did in the parental family. The functions of the subsystems are not clear. Very often, one subsystem is dissolved in another (the subsystem of a pair in the parent subsystem, the parent subsystem in the subsystem of a pair, etc.).

2. The emergence of family triangles, that is, such relationships, when one person (for example, a child) is involved in the relations of two other family members (for example, parents) in order to optimize them. A special case may be the situation when information addressed to one side (from wife to husband) is transmitted to a third party (not to the husband, but to the son). Thus, the son can become for the mother a replacement for the husband - the marital subsystem absorbs the parent. Triangles arise because sometimes it is difficult for people to concentrate all attention on each other, to maintain a one-on-one relationship. The usual scenario involves the unification of two close members of a triangle against the "external" (third) and a discussion of the differences between the two compared with the third. The life of another is given more attention than its own life.

Another type of triangle - the mother, as the child grows up, sees in him the negative features of the father, with whom she is in silent conflict. She is increasingly projecting the negative traits of his father onto the child, comes into conflict with him, as if with her husband, which gives way to her emotions and saves the family for the time being. This can lead to a deviant behavior of the child - it justifies the expectations of the mother.

Up to a certain point in the existence of a family, the triangles perform a useful function in it - they maintain a balance between intimacy and distance, help negative emotions in any family member not to exceed the “critical mass” capable of destroying the family. As the triangles become an obstacle to the development of the personality of any family member, the triangles need to be eliminated (de-triangulated).

Clear boundaries between subsystems are their most desirable option, a cross between rigid and diffuse. They symbolize the balance of freedom and control, help family members feel interdependent, but do not interfere with the manifestation of their individualities.

1.2. Consulting techniques

The purpose of psychological assistance to the family within the framework of the structural model is the re - establishment of the family structure and hierarchy.

1. Creating an effective hierarchical structure in the family in which parents are an authority for children.

2. Creating an effective parent coalition in which parents support each other when they make demands on children.

3. Expansion of the subsystem of children in the subsystem of the peers, the urge to communicate outside the family.

4. Creation of age-appropriate conditions for experimentation with autonomy and independence.

5. Separation of the subsystem of the pair from the subsystem of the parents.

6. Communication in the family should be based on certain rules.

7. The father should play the leading role in the family.

8. The dominant affect associated with checking the strength of the power lines in the family, aggression, rivalry should be replaced by feelings associated with caring for each other.

The work of a consultant with the family 1. The psychologist joins the family and takes a leadership position in it, recognizing the values ​​of the family and adapting to its lifestyle.

2. The study of family structure, features of communication in the family, affective system.

3. Transformation of the family structure through: a) a demonstration of a different style of communication; b) the interpretation of the family of its structure; c) recommendation to change the action and repeat it immediately, etc.

1. Work on the transformation of the communicative system when working with disadvantaged families in the framework of the structural model

I. Inactive formulation. It is sometimes difficult for members of disadvantaged families to perceive information expressed verbally. Therefore, dialogue with them often turns into a pseudo-dialogue when the psychologist and family members speak in parallel monologues, while it is implied that they exchange information. Some psychologists tend to regard this as resistance, although there is a lack of understanding. In order to overcome it, the representation of information through appropriate motor activity is recommended, and not through the description of images (iconic representation) or operating with abstract concepts (symbolic representation). For example, experiencing a massive attack by family members, the psychologist changes his place and sits down among family members. He says: “It’s very difficult to be here being attacked by you. I felt that I was falling out of your midst. ” The language of movement attracts everyone, and the word can go unnoticed. Another way of inactive formulation is placing a family member behind a mirror of one-sided vision. For example, an elderly woman who complained about the inability of her adult daughter to manage small children was placed behind a one-way mirror, from where she had to watch her daughter manage with children. It turned out that in the absence of maternal hyper-care, her daughter soon learned to manage them. The woman realized that she herself with her irrepressible activity prevents the formation of an adequate parental position in her daughter.

Ii. Encouraging family members to inactively articulate. The members of dysfunctional families often show undirected activity, the purpose of which is often a rough relief of tension. The psychologist begins to stimulate motor activity aimed at achieving other goals, in order to show one family member how their behavior can influence others. For example, instead of asking children: “How is it that your mother does not speak to you?”, The psychologist sets the task for children: “Could you have your mother talk to you?” Here are other examples of motivation for the inactive formulating: “Could you make your relationship with your daughter not deteriorate?”, “What can you do to improve your relationship with your daughter?”

Iii. Reducing noise, recording on conversation rules, releasing content from messages relating to relationships.

1. Each family member is invited to select a person to whom he speaks, to focus him on himself and to demand that this person respond.

2. The psychologist assumes the role of a translator in these conversations, becomes a “decoding center” for communication, while he is centered on communication, and not on the personal content of the message (it just helps one person to understand what the other has said, does not criticize, does not comment does not inspire).

3. The psychologist ensures that meaningful messages and messages relating to relationships are more distinguishable from each other, focuses attention on the content. An example of how the emphasis on relationships can lead away from the content of the message can be the following phrase, voiced at one of the sessions of working with the family: “I cannot hear you because you always shout at me, and as a result I stop listening ".

4. A psychologist stops interruptions that cut communication between family members. Indicates the need to wait for another family member to finish their thoughts and receive an answer.

5. It focuses on the dialogue around one topic and helps bring it to a certain level of completeness.

6. The psychologist encourages verbal communication of those who are used to expressing their communication through destructive activity.

7. From the content of the message, the psychologist highlights what is useful for the speaker and hearer, and emphasizes this. For example, from the monologue of the mother concerning the poor learning of the child, the psychologist for the child focuses on the care of the mother for him, and for the mother emphasizes her interest in the school affairs of the son. This allows the participants in the situation to expand their understanding of reality and look for more effective devices to master difficult situations.

8. Change of dominant, interpretive themes in the family to closer to effective functioning. For example, the subject of theft is replaced by the topic of care.

9. A psychologist helps to make narrow sets of categories more differentiated. For example, the term “children rising to their parents” can be specified as “children who cannot control themselves”. The label "controlling mom" can be changed to "over-burdened and helpless mom." This may direct the thoughts of family members to the fact that the mother, in fact, does not want to control her children, she wants to receive help from them in taking control over their behavior.

2. Dealing with dominant affects in dysfunctional families I. Embedding the family in the dominant affect of the family and exaggerating it. For example, the psychologist copies the dominant, aggressive behavior of the mother and expands this pattern of behavior so that the woman herself begins to criticize this kind of behavior.

Ii. Psychologist defies affect. The psychologist tells family members of the inadmissibility of this kind of behavior and encourages them to another. At the same time, he shows the negative role of this affect for the family.

Iii. The psychologist reduces one affects and strengthens others. For example, it reduces manifestations of aggression and increases attention to manifestations of love:

1. Членам семьи, вовлеченным в постоянные соревновательные взаимодействия, ставится задача провести 5 мин, видя только позитивное друг в друге, и затем указать трудности, которые они переживали, выполняя это простое упражнение. Это должно служить цели осознания ими узости их традиционного аффективного взаимодействия и повысить их потребность изменить его.

2. Психолог удаляет некоторых членов семьи из группы, в которой ведется работа, так как роли, которые они выполняют, мешают появлению новых настроений или аффективных взаимодействий.

3. Психолог может ввести в подгруппу, с которой он работает, новых членов семьи или внесемейные фигуры, чьи роли могут быть решающими для развития в семье других настроений.

4. Переформулирование туманно выраженного аффекта в ином ключе. Например, фразу « Я желаю тебе научиться давать сдачи, так как я не всегда боюсь избить тебя до такой степени, что это будет иметь серьезные последствия» психолог может обозначить как заботу. Он может сделать ее центральным моментом для дальнейшего анализа - направить сиблингов на поиск других случаев, когда девушка, произнесшая эту фразу, проявляла заботу о своей сестре. То, что в прошлом казалось просто хорошо знакомыми инцидентами силовых взаимодействий, благодаря постановке во главу угла аффективного кластера опыта «заботы» создает новые, отличные от прошлого способы оценки и восприятия событий. Таким образом, психолог расширяет аффективный ряд. 5. Психолог становится моделью, демонстрирующей желаемый аффект. For example:

1) замедляет темп своей речи; 2) делает тон своего голоса более мягким; 3) демонстрирует мимикой, жестами, например, подавленность, что помогает удерживать членов семьи от проникновения других стереотипных последовательностей касательно силовых операций.

Iv. Психолог вмешивается и перестраивает структуру аффективной насыщенности тех или иных событий (организует аффективные приоритеты). Например, родители, легко обходясь со случаем детского хронического воровства, способны прийти в величайшее расстройство из-за того, что ребенок не подвинулся, когда его попросили. Это ситуация, когда аффективные приоритеты родителей не соответствуют происходящему. Бывают ситуации, когда аффективные приоритеты в семье вообще отсутствуют. Например, сломан водопроводный кран или рука ребенка - у родителей одна реакция.

V. The psychologist is attentive to any manifestations in the direction of family growth in terms of constructive patterns of affective behavior. For example, once a girl, who was all attacked in a family, was once again late for the session. This time her lateness was greeted with silence. The psychologist gave this silence the status of change. Attention must be paid to possible changes in affect over a long period of time, since affects do not change quickly.

3. Model of psychological counseling of the family, based on the theory of M. Bowen family systems

3.1. Basic theoretical position

The emotional system of the family can form two main types of personality:

separate, independent, differentiated from family; subordinate, dependent, fused with the family.

The traits of a well-differentiated personality:

1. Personality is goal oriented. A person can formulate his system of values ​​that is different from the opinions of his family and those around him. Focusing on this system of values, he puts forward goals in line with the arguments of his intellect and focusing on his needs. His behavior is determined by these goals that he himself set forth.

2. The separation between thinking, feelings and needs. This refers to the fact that within himself a person is able to very clearly separate the following blocks from each other:

What I think in my inner experience is the result of analysis using the mind.

What do I feel, that is, I perceive sensually (for example, I see); how much of my inner experience automatically develops in the process of perception, how much it obeys my one or other desires.

What I want, what are my true motives in this situation.

Undifferentiated personality traits:

1. Personality is focused on relationships, and not on goals, i.e., emotionally less mature. These people are largely dependent on whether the surrounding self-esteem will support them. Their time and energy is spent searching for support in relationships, rather than setting and achieving their own goals.

2. Отсутствует разделение между мышлением, чувствами и потребностями, что объясняет их ригидность (негибкость) в общении. В поведении они более склонны руководствоваться эмоциями, чем результатами осмысления ситуации. Они часто склонны упускать из виду ту роль, которую играют их собственные интерпретации в возникновении того или иного чувства (например: «Джон заставил меня рассердиться», т.е., виноват Джон). Им зачастую кажется, что их субъективные переживания связаны с анализом действительного положения вещей (не разделяют между своим чувственным восприятием и мышлением). Выражением этого могут служить следующие фразы: «Я чувствую, что вы отвергаете меня», «Когда вы не соглашаетесь со мной, я чувствую себя отвергнутым».

По мнению М. Боуэна, процесс дифференциации как бы совпадает с процессом становления, созревания личности. На начальных этапах осознается отделение себя от других. На последующих - более четкое отделение друг от друга своих потребностей, чувств и мыслей, результатом чего становится способность осмысливать свои чувственные (сенсорные) процессы абстрагирование от интеллектуальных, интеллектуальные - абстрагированно от потребностей и т. д.

В некоторых семьях, однако, этот естественный процесс тормозится особенностями, правилами внутрисемейной жизни, типичными способами реагирования, которые удерживают личности в недифференцированном состоянии. Эти семьи называются слитными или недифференцированными семьями.

Одним из правил жизни в такой семье является чувствительность к нюансам эмоциональных отношений, повышенная реактивность по отношению к ним. Каждый член такой семьи постоянно следит за настроением других членов семьи и отмечает про себя, какие чувства испытывают другие по отношению к нему.

Другим правилом жизни в такой семье является частое требование одинаковости. Различия между людьми отрицаются.

The members of such families do not know how to be close with other people and at the same time have sufficient autonomy from their opinions, desires, and ratings. A different opinion is seen as an insult to another, a challenge to the existing intra-family relations, family values. Hence the inability of members of such families to sincerely discuss with each other certain issues relating to mutual relations, a large number of rules that impede communication. This leads to the fact that often information addressed to one family member is passed on to another — two discuss the third. This action performs a compensatory function, but inhibits the development of the family and its individual members, since no one gets feedback and does not know their mistakes. Instead of living their own lives, people spend time fruitlessly discussing other people's lives.In such families, there are many family triangles - everyone discusses each other, but behind the eyes. The compensatory role of the third in such triangles lies in the fact that they transmit information addressed to another person.

The next feature of life in such a family is rigidity, intrinsic value, sacredness, irremovability of rules. Family rules should be pragmatic. If they do not help the family to solve any problems, they hinder the growth of the family members, then they should be changed. People from fusion families tend to absolutize the rules. Doing them becomes a kind of sign of loyalty to others, and failure is seen as a challenge to interpersonal relationships, a negative reaction to another, an insult to another. This is due to the fact that families of this kind consider the rules (as well as all aspects of life in general) through the prism of interpersonal relations, and not through the prism of utility.

Перечисленные выше правила и особенности внутрисемейной жизни внутри слитных семей создают игровой, искусственный, натянутый характер взаимоотношений в семье. Они препятствуют подлинной открытости, интимности. В этих семьях возможна лишь иллюзия открытости, ибо члены семьи неспособны принять тех, кто совершенно отличен от них.

Люди, выросшие в слитных семьях и не отделившиеся от них, имеют склонность создавать такие же семьи. Для недифференцированного человек, ориентированный на цели, кажется нечутким, непонятным, порой бросающим вызов отношениям: ведь он говорит, ориентируясь на свои взгляды, а не на отношения. Для человека, ориентированного на цели, недифференцированный партнер по общению кажется скучным, наигранным, порой неискренним. Таким образом, два недифференцированных как бы ищут друг друга.

Undifferentiated are very tied up to the unwritten rules for families from which they come. Here are examples of these rules:

You can’t get upset.

If a man feels defeated, he should not cry, but should get angry.

Indecent feeling of sadness - always keep a smile. If your mood does not comply with this rule, then "look at the sunny side", "do not be a kid."

Disputes are unacceptable: if you are angry, then leave, chill out and come back with a smile.

Conflict is the only way to relate: it is better to argue than to be cold and indifferent; by showing your displeasure, you are showing your attention to this.

As you can see, these rules sometimes conflict with each other, which is the cause of marital conflicts. It seems to everyone that the other behaves "abnormally."

For merged people, the following forms of behavior are characteristic, expressing their desire for dependence, unity, preventing them from focusing on goals, forcing them to “tie up” in reactions to other people's actions:

compliant - willingness to do anything just to preserve the illusion

proximity; chronically rebellious - keep intimacy, as they fear

independence, but rebel against her; forward - everything must change before me, everything around

to blame; tearing - undifferentiated pushes towards proximity search,

after a while, the differences of the other from themselves are being pushed to break;

Rigid forms of roles. Examples of such roles are the roles of the superfunctioner and the subfunctioner. This refers to the situation when one person (superfunctioner) is more responsible, capable and healthy than another (subfunctioner). The superfunctioner can take care of and support the subfunctioner. But if the subfunctioner is improved, then the superfunctioner loses its abilities, may experience depression. A sub function can manipulate a super function. In healthy families, these two roles are constantly changing. In solid relationships, they are rigid, in a frozen state, because they are valuable in themselves.

3.2. Consulting techniques

The goal of psychological counseling for families in this model is to make family members more differentiated.

First, they should become much less relationship oriented and more goal oriented.

Secondly, they should increase their ability to reflexively analyze their own vision of the situation and behavior. They need to be helped to learn to compare their own vision of the situation with the arguments of reason, to distinguish between their desires and reality, to realize the real limitations of their own desires.

With regard to the situation of intrafamily communication, they should be taught to communicate with each other directly, without the formation of family triangles. Family members should learn to open up their needs and attitudes to each other, to strive for greater sincerity.

They must recognize the relativity and pragmatic, functional nature of any rules.

Family Counseling Strategy

Psychological counseling solves a particular task: to keep members of undifferentiated families under observation and rational analysis of emotional processes in the family, understanding the causes of conflicts, and awareness of the emotional background of their own and other people's behavior. It is believed that this is more important than the recommendations.

For the development of observation and rational analysis of various aspects of family life, sociometric techniques of working with the family are widely used: Family Sculpture, Family Choreography, Genogram, Role Card Game, Ecocard, Straw Tower, Family space "," Family Sociogram ".

The psychologist must be a differentiated person; one should not be allowed to involve oneself in dependence on family relations: one should not support one of the family members, nor take one’s spousal position. Otherwise there will be triangulation.

In order to encourage the spouses to begin to communicate with each other directly (without involving the surrounding in numerous family triangles), in order to teach them to tolerate the personal differences of the other, the “TET-A-TET” technique is used. Spouses are offered the following procedure. Sit close, touching your knees and keeping eye contact. See how long you can talk about yourself, your relationships, and not about third parties or additional topics.

Now, to make this task even harder, repeat it, remaining only in the present tense, do not talk about the past or the future, but only about each other's experiences “here and now”.

After the spouses have completed this task, in a conversation with them, the degree of their anxiety about intimacy is investigated using the following questions:

1. How close can I be with another person, at the same time remaining myself and not doing what others want me to do?

2. How close can I be with another person, assuming that the other person is different from me?