1. Art and science to understand people. Kinesika

A lesson that introduces a student to the specifics of a given subject. Why is it so important to understand people, the basics of understanding people, how to develop your ability to understand people. Conducted a group of tests on the topic "How well do I understand people?".

Glas L. I read your thoughts / Trans. from English EAT. Perstereva. - M .: LLC “Publishing house AST”: ZAO NPP “Ermak”, 2003. - p. 251. - (Library of practical psychology).

“How do I understand people?”

To determine how much basic communication skills you need to establish the truth, you must first assess what abilities you currently have.

This quiz will help you find out how far you have come in understanding others and yourself. Perhaps you have the ability to notice any manifestation of human feelings. Perhaps you are well able to use this gift and almost always make the right idea about people. Having bitten a person, you may be able to adequately confront him, or maybe not, because you do not want to “rock the boat” or create problems. It may be more important for others to please you than to keep your own “me” intact. Or maybe you belong to the type of people who are not distinguished by great shrewdness or are so far from such things that they attract those who behave dishonestly to them.

This test is designed specifically to determine if you can already understand people and how well you are doing this task.

Select for each question the answer "true" or "incorrect." Answer honestly. The correct answer is usually the one that comes to your mind first, so do not try to correct yourself.

1. Every time I leave home, I always notice the people around me.

2. When I walk down the street, I always know if someone is walking by the side or behind me.

3. The first thing that I notice in a person is a face.

4. I always notice how a person is dressed.

5. I always ask myself why I do not like this or that person or this or that situation.

6. I am immediately wary if I don’t like something in a person’s behavior, and immediately make up my opinion about him.

7. I never wonder if my first impression is correct.

8. If I do not like someone, I never forget my attitude towards him.

9. If I don’t like someone, I stop and wonder why he annoys me so much.

10. If I like someone, I often think why I treat him that way.

11. If I didn’t immediately like someone for no apparent reason, I will not try to get rid of this feeling or explain it by saying that I just had a hard day.

12. I remember almost everything I say.

13. Talking with a person, I always watch his face carefully.

14. I always pay attention to the tone with which a person speaks to me, and therefore I always guess about his mood.

15. I am not credulous - I believe far from everything I am told.

16. I ask people questions and get them to answer for their words, because I ask them for explanations, especially if I disagree with something.

17. Usually I immediately see when someone is lying or exaggerating.

18. I immediately notice when someone is angry.

19. I immediately notice when someone is sad.

20. I immediately notice when someone is scared.

21. I immediately notice when they are angry with me.

22. I immediately notice when someone is in love with me.

23. I immediately notice when a person has a great mood.

24. I always feel if someone doesn’t like me.

25. I immediately notice when someone is surprised.

26. I immediately feel when I am told the truth.

27. I immediately feel when a person is indifferent.

28. Talking with a person, I always feel when he gets bored.

29. I always understand when I have exhausted someone else’s hospitality.

30. I try to stay away from some people who give me some trouble.

31. When I need to characterize someone, I usually immediately recall his manner of behaving, standing, walking.

32. I can remember exactly with what intonation I was told this or that story.

33. I can easily remember any episode from my past and my feelings.

34. I can easily recall the manner of speech of a person with whom I had just met.

35. If I needed to describe someone's manner of speech, I easily remembered it and told others.

36. I have experienced fright or discomfort in the presence of a new person for no apparent reason.

37. While on vacation, I often notice something that others do not pay any attention to.

38. I often manage to find something first.

39. I can quote what I was told.

40. I usually remember how to get somewhere, even if I was there only a few times.

41. I freely express my feelings.

42. I am not afraid to show a person that I am angry.

43. I can easily express my love or affection.

44. I am always aware of my feelings.

45. I always pay attention to the smell, type and quality of food.

46. ​​I always notice when someone speaks out of place.

47. I rarely ignore the dubious compliment or stinging remark and immediately understand what the person really wanted to say.

48. When I am in high spirits, I can laugh out loud, have fun dancing or talking loudly.

49. When I do not like something, I often react to it purely physically: I catch my breath or start to suck in the stomach.

50. When I do not like something or I am in tension, I begin to sweat a lot.

51. I notice for myself that I eat too much or too little when something bothers me.

52. I am in no hurry to share the general enthusiasm, no matter how happy those around me are.

53. I always feel when I have grieved someone.

54. I always see when someone really treats me well.

55. I can describe the appearance of a person in the smallest detail.

56. If people are inconsistent in what they say, I often draw their attention to it.

57. If I suspect that a person is lying to me, then I will ask him more and more new questions.

58. I always remember my first impression of a man.

59. I always see the mood of a person.

60. I always see when someone says something that does not correspond to the expression of his face or gestures .

Counting test results.

When you have finished answering the questions, put yourself one point for each answer “true”, zero points - for answer “wrong” and calculate the total amount of points. The amount received demonstrates your ability to understand people.

69 points: you have great susceptibility

If you answer “right” to each question, it means that you are very sensitive and know yourself very well. You also know people and the world that surrounds you. You probably rarely make mistakes in people and usually always do everything right. You firmly adhere to your moral principles and are truly partial to others.

You are not one of those who judge people superficially, on the contrary, you always make the right idea of ​​them. You are sensitive and inquisitive, trying to penetrate into the essence of things and see people as they really are. Apparently, you are a leader and can bring tangible benefits to society.

From 40 to 59 points: you have a good intuition

This amount means that you have a good instinct, but sometimes you repent of not listening to your inner voice. You scold yourself when you do something, knowing in advance that nothing good will come of it, and then you don’t like yourself. However, in most cases you trust your feelings and sincerely satisfied with yourself.

You need to remember that you are more often right than wrong. You need to work on your self-esteem and self-esteem, and develop leadership qualities. And finally, you should pay attention to how you make decisions. Remember how you change your point of view in different situations, and try to stick to the decisions made at the very beginning. Make more efforts to get to know people better.

From 20 to 39 points: you prefer not to risk

You are the type of people who prefer not to take risks and not to escalate the situation. You hate confrontation and adore to maintain the status quo. Feel free to ask people questions or talk about their desires. You can't stand to be seen, because it makes you feel embarrassed. You love to do things that make everyone feel good. You would rather make people feel comfortable, and you - not much, than allow them to experience any inconvenience. You willingly cooperate with people, and if something seems to be going wrong, you usually ignore your bad forebodings and do not give up what you started, although then you often regret it. You are one of those who never complain to anyone, keeps everything to himself and suffers silently.

From 0 to 19 points: you need help!

You are desperate for help. You probably made a lot of mistakes in your life, because you lived without noticing anything around. Unfortunately, it made you easy prey for others. It seems that you belong to the type of quiet and good-natured people who take much on faith. Or maybe you are representing the other extreme - a person who produces a lot of noise and is so immersed in himself that he is simply unable to catch the signals sent by others.

If you are one of those who make such mistakes, then the tendency to go with the flow makes you more a follower than a leader. Unfortunately, those for whom you are walking do not always lead you on the right path. You were very likely offended and deceived more than once, but you never learn from your mistakes. You need to learn more about the world and learn to adapt to it. Try to get to know the people on your way.

Why is it so important to understand people.

Each of us has an innate ability to learn the truth about others and correctly perceive the events and phenomena of the world. Some are aware of the need to understand people, others prefer to ignore it, each approaches this issue in his own way - such is human nature.

• It makes me sick!

• I just adore her!

• I believed in him as soon as I saw him!

• I knew that she would be a real bitch!

• Why didn't I listen to my inner voice?

• I knew he was just a liar!

• It was love at first sight!

• I felt that there would be only problems with her!

• I was sure that in the end I would have to fork out for him!

• What a mess I am! And why I did not believe my intuition?

You are engaged in understanding people every day, although often this is not even aware of. You determine whether a person treats you well or badly, whether he is honest or not, whether to allow him or her into his life, and in general know how to make the right decision. Understanding occurs naturally. The problem is that most people do not know how to interpret what lies behind their feelings, and use this information to expand their capabilities in a given situation. In the bottom reader, examples of specific situations will be given illustrating how the correct or incorrect understanding of people affects our lives.

The following test will help you figure out which category you belong to. To find out which of them you are, answer the following questions "Yes" or "No".

Can you say about yourself that you:

1. ... easy to make decisions?

a) ... an active person and a leader with a strong will and solid morals?

b) ... always know what you are doing and where are you going?

c) ... rarely wrong and usually make the right choice?

d) ... always feel when something goes wrong?

2. ... in most cases, do not complain about your flair?

a) ... sometimes you regret that you did not trust your intuition?

b) ... usually make the right decisions?

c) ... sometimes hesitate under the influence of someone else's opinion?

d) ... listen to others only to calm them down or make them pleasant?

3. ... of those who do not like to create problems?

a) ... prefer not to do anything when it seems to you that something is going wrong?

b) ... are inclined to hope that everything will work out by itself?

c) ... often do not know who to trust?

d) ... often doubt your own abilities?

4. ... treat the type of people who are constantly being hurt?

a) ... often turned out to be deceived by business partners?

b) ... were often offended by people with whom you had personal relationships?

c) ... often think that such a thing could happen only to you, or ask yourself: “Well, why me?”

d) ... believe almost everything you read or say?

Your answers

If you answered “yes” to all the questions in section 1, you are the decisive leader. If you answered “yes” to only one or two questions in the section, then you are the leader, but indecisive.

In section 2, if you answered “yes” to all four questions, then your intuition is all right. If you answered “yes” to only one or two questions, then your intuition leaves much to be desired.

In section 3, if you answered “no” to all four questions, then you are very knowledgeable and not one of those who hides his head in the sand. If you answered “yes” to two or more questions, then you need to work hard to pay more attention to what is happening around.

In section 4, if you answered “no” to all four questions, you are unlikely to be in danger of becoming someone else’s victim and you always know who you are dealing with. If you answered “yes” to two or more questions, then you need to open your eyes and approach decision making much more responsibly.

Life situations make it possible to understand why it is so important to understand non-verbal behavior of people.

No more sacrifice

How much money or time we waste by hiring the wrong person! A typical scenario: the contractor assures you that the work will cost exactly that much, and then sends you a bill for twice the amount.

And what do you say about a person who, when applying for a job, presented you the most brilliant resume that you have ever seen, but in reality turned out to be a slacker and a quitter, completely unwilling to work and just looking, what else to profit at a new place? You worry about the loss of money in vain and feel deceived, because the person turned out to be not at all what he thought you were.

Wouldn't it be great to have a method in place that would allow you to accurately predict how you will get along with new people based on how and what they said, how you moved or what your facial expressions had? Wouldn't it be great to be able to immediately recognize that someone is passively aggressive or lying when it is explained to you in love?

When your lady thanks you for a great time and offers to go somewhere together next week, wouldn't you like to know exactly how sincere it was, instead of waiting for hours on the phone of her call? Wouldn't you like to know that someone is behaving dishonestly towards you?

Why do we so often ignore our forebodings or inner voice, no matter how loud it sounds? Why do most people not want to notice these signals? Why don't we want to hear anything, even when we are already just screaming that we need to stop and how should we think? And because most people do not believe what they hear or feel. We do not trust our feelings, but our body never lies, and we should not forget about it.

We do not believe that cats scratched our hearts for a reason and that someone is really going to treat us badly, because we reject the very idea of ​​finding ourselves in a situation from which we cannot escape without loss. The matter is complicated by the fact that the decision to trust your instinct must be made immediately, in a matter of minutes, otherwise it may be late, and that is why we make the same mistakes again and again: we choose the wrong people, we allow ourselves to mistreat, and we contact with unreliable business partners.

The ability to understand people can save your life

Seducing minors, serial killers, rapists and other criminals, of course, have no identifying marks, but their victims often point out that attackers behaved unusually. The victims always had a feeling of danger, regardless of what exactly put them on their guard, as the criminals looked at them, moved or spoke with what intonation. In general, if you listen to your feelings in time and respond to them correctly, this can save lives for you and your loved ones.

Linda, a 20-year-old college student, walked out of the bedroom and noticed that a young man was approaching her. She was immediately alarmed. The guy tried to stop her and asked what time it was. Linda felt that she suddenly became ill, did not answer, and ran at full speed to the library. She no longer thought about this meeting until she was about to leave the library, then Linda again remembered her and asked three other students for permission to go with them to the sleeping quarters.

By listening to her inner voice, this girl may have saved her life. The next morning, she saw in the newspaper a photograph of someone who had so frightened her the day before. This was the same man from whom she had to run away when she walked into the library. He raped several female students before they were finally able to detain him last night.

How to recognize a swindler

Тридцатидвухлетняя учительница Бонни встретила Девона, тридцативосьмилетнего электрика, высокого и красивого. Это было очень романтичное знакомство, и все было неправдоподобно хорошо. То обстоятельство, что Девон скуповат и Бонни приходится самой за все платить во время их свиданий, ее ничуть не беспокоило, потому что он постоянно твердил, что со дня на день ожидает чек из Канады. Правда, этот день все никак не наступал, зато Девон относился к Бонни как к королеве.

Они встречались по будням, потому что он сказал, что в выходные работает. И конечно, она не могла позвонить Девону на работу, потому что его за это уволят; он дал ей только номер своего сотового. Еще Девон сообщил, что у него огромный дом, но он пока еще только строится. Они будут жить в этом дворце вдвоем, но, пока он не готов, Бонни не может его увидеть.

Целиком, отдавшись своему чувству, она не обратила никакого внимания на то, что у Девона постоянно подергиваются веки, не задумалась над тем, почему он избегает смотреть ей в глаза, виновато хлопает ресницами и втягивает голову в плечи, придумывая все новые и новые объяснения своему поведению. Бонни не замечала, что у Девона удивительно высокий голос, к концу предложений он переходит почти на шепот и начинает мямлить, стоит только ей начать его о чем-то расспрашивать.

Этот негодяй был женат, а в ее лице нашел себе дурочку, которую можно использовать. И он получал от нее все, что хотел, — и секс, и эмоции, и деньги.

Незаслуженный иск

Мистер Джонс теперь отлично знает, что такое обмануться в человеке и понести при этом и моральный, и материальный ущерб, и все из-за его кошмарной служащей Патти. Она была привлекательной и очаровательной, ему нравилась ее прекрасная улыбка, но сегодня он горько сожалеет о том, что не сумел в свое время прислушаться к кодам ее голоса и речи — к тому, что Патти говорила и как это делала.

К сожалению, мистер Джонс проигнорировал то, что она ему говорила, а будь он немного внимательнее, то сразу бы понял: от Патти у него будут одни неприятности. Во-первых, она постоянно болтала, а во-вторых, была на редкость самовлюбленной особой. Она сама была главной темой ее разговоров, которые все сводились к одному: как на прежней работе ее мучили коллеги или начальство, которые, конечно, завидовали ее способностям и внешности.

Мистер Джонс не смог устоять против соблазнительной улыбки, игривой манеры смеяться, запрокидывая голову, и дразняще смотреть на него в упор. Будь он чуть-чуть внимательнее, то сразу бы понял, что имеет дело с неуравновешенной, озлобленной и слишком остро на все реагирующей женщиной, которой следовало бы разговаривать в таком духе с врачом, а вовсе не с потенциальным нанимателем.

Но мистер Джонс ничего не увидел и не услышал и дорого за это заплатил. Патти совершенно не умела ладить с сослуживцами и в конце концов обрушила на компанию огромный иск о сексуальном домогательстве. Так мистеру Джонсу на собственном горьком опыте довелось узнать смысл поговорки «видели глазки, что покупали...».

Неудачный брак

Нет ничего необычного в том, что люди, готовящиеся вступить в брак, переживают предсвадебное волнение, и все же, если дурные предчувствия их так и не отпускают, им следует дважды подумать, стоит ли пить вино, даже если око уже налито. Джим, тридцатидевятилетний мужчина рассказывает, что в день свадьбы он абсолютно точно знал, что делает самую большую ошибку в своей жизни. Джим думал об этом даже тогда, когда уже был в церкви. А когда стоял у алтаря и готовился произнести торжественные слова, по его щекам потекли слезы, и это были слезы не радости, а страха — он знал, что совершает ошибку. «Я прошел эту церемонию до конца и потом жалел об этом каждый день. - С самого первого свидания мы то и дело пререкались по всяким пустякам, и чем ближе была свадьба, тем чаще, это случалось. Ей все время нужно было доказывать свою правоту, и мне тоже. Она все время пыталась перекроить меня на свой лад, изменить мое поведение, прическу, манеру одеваться. Когда я стоял перед алтарем, я только и думал о наших постоянных спорах. Я надеялся, что мой гнев и обида на нее утихнут. Я пытался подавить в себе эти чувства, полагая, что все дело просто в предсвадебном волнении, но это было не так. Когда мы поженились, наши стычки только участились, потому что супруга как будто задалась целью критиковать все, что я ни делаю».

Если бы Джим поделился своей обеспокоенностью с невестой и получил перед свадьбой определенную психологическую помощь или же решил отказаться от свадьбы, то избавился бы от всех тех баталий, душевной боли, судебных издержек и других финансовых проблем, через которые ему пришлось пройти в процессе развода.

Деловые просчеты

Если вы приняли на работу не того человека, стоимость замены этого сотрудника на другого может в два с половиной раза превысить его годовую зарплату. Терезу рекомендовал на работу к Марку его лучший друг Гейбриел, который сказал, что Тереза свое дело знает и станет ценным приобретением для компании. Но Марку не понравились ее агрессивный тон и неприкрытая враждебность, с которой Тереза отвечала на его вопросы. Он нашел ее довольно неприятной и, не получая никакого довольствия от общения с ней, постарался поскорее закончить собеседование. Когда она вышла из комнаты, Марк почувствовал настоящее облегчение. Разговаривая с Гейбриеломпозднее в тот же день, он спросил его, всегда ли Тереза настроена так по-боевому.

Гейбриел засмеялся и повторил, что она свое дело знает. Марк позвонил Терезе и предложил работу, и это оказалось самой большой ошибкой в его карьере. Она не только разговаривала с ним враждебно и неуважительно, но и оспаривала каждое его распоряжение. К тому же у нее начались трения с другими сотрудниками, и это плохо повлияло на атмосферу в отделе: люди стали нервничать и жаловаться. Клиенты сочли, что Тереза груба и с ней невозможно общаться, и это привело к падению уровня продаж.

Марк принял Терезу на работу, оставив без внимания то впечатление, которое она произвела на него при первой встрече, и это решение обернулось для его компании финансовыми потерями и ухудшением морального климата.

Два варианта развития событий: позитивный и негативный.

Любовь с первого взгляда

Возможно, и с вами когда-то случилось то, что произошло на одном приеме с преуспевающим бизнесменом Стивеном. Вообще-то он ожидал этого события с нетерпением, но устал после долгого рабочего дня и хотел уже только одного — пораньше уйти домой. Но когда Стивен оглядывался по сторонам в поисках своего приятеля, произошло нечто, резко изменившее его настроение.

Он заметил, что у одного из столиков напротив стоит потрясающая женщина, и просто не мог не подойти и не заговорить с ней. Приблизившись, Стивен увидел, как она стоит и как движется, и ему это понравилось.

He introduced himself, joked, let go of the compliment, and the woman answered him something flirtatious. The sound of her voice and how funny her upper lip moved as she talked, he liked even more. Suddenly, Stephen found himself standing very close to her, constantly smiling and constantly looking at her face.

In this state, he would hardly have noticed if a bomb exploded nearby. Stephen could not take his eyes off her. All he wanted was to be with her and to learn about her more and more. Suddenly, Stephen realized that he had difficulty breathing.

Его сердце забилось чаще, а горло перехватило так, что стало трудно глотать. Спустя некоторое время, которое показалось ему вечностью, Стивен набрался смелости и попросил у незнакомки визитную карточку, которую тут же и получил. Он позвонил ей, они стали встречаться и через шесть месяцев поженились.

Обратите внимание, как неудержимо потянуло Стивена к этой женщине, как она сразу произвела на него впечатление, как он испытал порыв подойти к ней и познакомиться и как необычно чувствовал себя в ее присутствии. Стивен реагировал на нее физически. Ему стало трудно дышать, по телу забегали мурашки, сердце забилось чаще, он раскраснелся, стал много улыбаться, внимательнее слушать и смотреть, приосанился и ощутил мощный прилив энергии.

Ненависть с первого взгляда

Thirty-eight-year-old Jennifer, at one dinner party, was at a table next to a man, from whom she immediately felt uneasy. She automatically backed away from him every time he leaned toward her. The man was not silent for a minute: he told endless incidents from his life, made stinging remarks about the food served and spoke rudely to the waiters.

Those two hours that Jennifer had to sit next to this poisonous man turned out to be a real punishment for her. She was completely devastated, her head was splitting, her neck and back were cramped from an uncomfortable position, it was not known what happened in her stomach, and besides, her teeth ached, which Jennifer squeezed all the time. By the end of the evening, she even began to think about calling the 911 service to go home in an ambulance car.

So what happened to Stephen and Jennifer, what made them react to the new person just the way they did it? What reasons led to the fact that Stephen was so drawn to the woman at the party, and that this was in the neighbor Jennifer on the table, from which she literally almost turned inside out? What emotions were brought into action? What signals should have been sent to their brain to cause such a strong reaction?

When we experience such strong shocks, we rarely ask ourselves about the causes and even less often think about them. In fact, most of us simply do not know how or why other people cause such feelings in us. We do not guess that for each person there is a specific set of reasonable explanations - a whole dossier with information that is transmitted through his voice, speech, facial expression and plasticity of the body.

Interpretation of vibrations

If a thin voice inside of you says that something looks or sounds suspicious, then he is most likely right. Listen to him! Your body knows. Your heart feels. If you reacted to something purely physically, be alert - this is true.

There are thieves, fraudsters, don Juans, “poisonous” people who, without thinking, will do everything to get what they want from you. They can look great. They may be well dressed and have excellent manners, but there are always signs that give them away. You will learn what these signs are, and we will discuss how to determine if a person is lying or not.

One caveat: some people are very skillful liars. All mentally ill people also sometimes seem insincere, but if you carefully listen to the code of their speech, you will immediately notice how much they differ from ordinary liars. That is why it is so important to fully perceive the world around you, including the people around you, and to always listen and look at all four codes of communication - speech, voice, body and facial expression.

Watch not only what people say, but how they say it and how they look. Stop seeing and hearing only what you would like to see and hear, try to hear and understand what is being said to you. In the end, it will save you a lot of time and save you from many troubles.